The year of our lord 2017 would quietly open the college football season (week zero) whimpering under the weight of a boxing match that actually attracted an audience. A sleepy Saturday slate would start in the afternoon with Power 5 member Oregon State getting doubled up by Group of 5 Colorado State, and it would fade into the night towards Sydney Australia where Stanford put up over 600 yards of offense (lol) to Rice’s 51 (LOL).BUT OH BABY THIS HYPE TRAIN IS JUST LEAVING THE STATION.
Labor Day weekend, the remaining 99% of the fan base will emerge from offseason hibernation, sunburnt, dehydrated, and remiss towards how their team let them down OH SO VERY HARD last season. Army wives never learn and neither do we, apparently. Spectacle is a two way street and the lane changes of Kiffin’s career always happen suddenly and at neck-breaking speed. And with the exception of Bama/FSU/tOSU fans, your team is always one fundraising focused season focused season away from tanking into an abyss that makes even your bitter in-state rival not hate your entire family lineage quite as much as it did prior to the start of the season.
And so, as you settle in for the long cross-country road trip that is your college football team’s season, ignore the underinflated tires that have slowly deflated from a drought of championships and first round draft picks. Don’t worry about the fading color of the paint, due to a lack of marketing savvy and a strategically thought out social media campaign. And pay absolutely no mind to those brakes that have been worn razor thin from player injuries, transfers, and off-season suspensions. Just enjoy the ride, ‘cause it’s FUCKING COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON.